


Halfway to Real

by elless



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fluff, M/M, baby schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 01:45:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3231569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elless/pseuds/elless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared’s tired of waiting for that elusive perfect man to marry and start a family with, so he goes to an adoption agency on his own. When he finds out it won’t be quite so easy for a single gay man to adopt a baby, he asks his best friend and housemate, Jensen, for help. Getting married to increase his chances for a baby is the perfect plan, except for one small complication: this marriage of convenience was never supposed to turn real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Halfway to Real

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this over two years ago. It stayed on my mind, though, and it always kinda bothered me that it was wallowing on my hard drive, so close to being done. I’ve added an extra 6k, trying to fill in the holes as best I could. It was a bit weird getting back into Jared’s head, but I think it turned out pretty good.

Jared crosses his legs and looks around the small room. Unlike the similar waiting rooms he’s been in over the last months, this one is brightly colored, with pictures on the walls of smiling, happy families. He has a good feeling about this place, not only because of the more pleasant décor. It’s hard to remain positive after his bad experiences, but he’s trying.

“Mr. Padalecki? Mr. DeKay will see you now.”

Jared thanks the receptionist, then walks down the hall to the office she indicated. The door is open, and the man behind the desk immediately stands and comes around to shake Jared’s hand. He’s older, maybe in his 40’s with short hair and a slightly rumpled charcoal suit.

“Mr. Padalecki? I’m Tim DeKay. It’s good to meet you. Please, have a seat.”

“Thank you, but call me Jared. Mr. Padalecki makes me think of my father.”

Mr. DeKay laughs as he sits down, smoothing down his tie before leaning his forearms on the desk. It’s a nice smile, open and friendly, which puts Jared at ease. He relaxes back in his chair, still nervous but not as much so.

“So, Jared, tell me about yourself.”

“What would you like to know?”

“What brings you here today?”

He considers his answer for a moment. There are a lot of reasons, but he goes with the simplest. “I’ve always wanted to be a father. I’m tired of waiting for the right guy to come along or the right time to start a family. I decided to just go for it and hope things work out.”

“Bold move,” Mr. DeKay says, sounding mildly impressed.

“Probably but the right one, I think.”

He hadn’t come to the decision lightly. He’d thought about it for a long time, prompted by a bad first date, his cousin getting married, and a coworker having twins all within two weeks. It is something he’s wanted for ages and it may be silly, but he was clinging to the dream of a husband and the perfect family. It hurts a little to let that go, but he means to see this through and adopt a baby.

“I like your candor, Jared.”

“That’s just me,” he says, shrugging.

They talk for awhile more, general background information about Jared’s family and his job at LCO Tech as a programmer. It’s a grilling without feeling like one, Mr. DeKay subtle and gentle in his prodding and seemingly genuinely interested in the answers. Jared likes him, much better than any other adoption agents he’s met with so far.

“All right, now comes the fun part,” Mr. DeKay tells him with an ironic smile, standing up and going over to a file cabinet on the opposite side of the room. He pulls out a large binder, about three inches wide, and slips it into Jared’s hands. “Paperwork, lots of it. Mostly for you to fill out, but there are also testimonials from other families we’ve helped as well as packets about what to expect with the adoption process and what we require of you. There are background checks we have to do, of course, and there will be several random home visits throughout.”

“Right.” Jared swallows, staring at the thick binder resting in his lap. He hadn’t gotten to this point at any of the other places.

Mr. DeKay smiles. “I know it seems overwhelming right now, but you can take whatever time you need to fill everything out. And even if you decide not to go with us, keep all the information packets.”

“I think I’ve already made up my mind,” Jared responds with a smile.

“Excellent. I’m glad to hear it. There is one thing I need to mention, however.”

He quirks a brow, wondering if this is when the rug gets pulled out from under him, which seems to always happen to him.

“I’m not going to lie to you, Jared. Single men often have difficulty getting placement,” Mr. DeKay tells him, folding his hands atop his desk and leaning forward slightly.

“Right,” Jared says tightly. “And single gay men most of all, I’m sure.”

“I’m not saying it’s fair.”

Jared snorts, not amused. “So if I got married, even to a man, I could get a baby sooner?”

“Listen, Jared, this is a slow process, no matter what. No one gets a baby the very next day. Do some people have a harder time than others, yes. But I promise you, Jared, we will get you a baby.”

He sounds so sure and unshakeable, and Jared believes him. Mr. DeKay is a big reason why Jared went with this agency. The others he met with either dismissed him for being gay, though never outright and to his face, or treated their jobs as a chore. Mr. DeKay seems to really care about his clients.

“But it could take years?” Jared asks, resigned and trying not to lose hope.

“Yes. It’s not impossible to have it happen much quicker. I simply want you to see this realistically.”

“Thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate your help in this. I really want to be a father, and it won’t happen any other way.”

“You’ll be a father, Jared. I guarantee it.”

Jared thanks him again and stands up, gathering the binder of paperwork Mr. DeKay had given him. They shake hands, Mr. DeKay smiling warmly, which makes Jared feel marginally better.

It’s a long drive home in rush hour traffic. Jared uses the times he’s stopped dead on the highway to check his email on his work phone. He’d left early that afternoon for this appointment, and it’s well known around the company that his department functions best with him there. Which is ridiculous. They’re all intelligent and competent programmers. He shouldn’t have to hold their hands or show them how to use a mouse. He loves his job––computers have been his life since PCs became an option and he begged his parents to buy one for his birthday––but he feels like he’s been in a rut, professionally and personally.

Jensen’s curled up on the couch in sweats and a ratty t-shirt when Jared gets home. Jared drops his jacket and bag on the floor and climbs onto the couch, burying his face in Jensen’s shoulder.

“So I assume it didn’t go well?” Jensen asks, flicking the TV off before running a hand through Jared’s hair.

Sighing, Jared turns his head to look up at Jensen. It’d be easier if Jensen were with him for these appointments, but Jared’s a 34-year-old grown man. He can handle an adoption agency on his own. At least he has his best friend for moral support afterward.

“No, it went well. Mr. DeKay is great.”

Jensen had heard about Mr. DeKay and his agency from friends of friends, and everything they said about him is true. But they are a couple, and things are obviously different for them.

“I sense a _but_ in there.”

“He told me that single men are pretty much last on the list when it comes to placement.”

“I’m sorry, Jay. That really sucks.”

“It could take years for me to get a baby.”

“You knew that going in, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s like being told I’m automatically a worse parent, just because I don’t have a partner.”

“I agree, it’s shitty. You aren’t giving up, are you?”

Jared shrugs, feeling morose and miserable. “Maybe I should buy a baby on the black market.”

Jensen laughs, then stops abruptly, staring at Jared with a wide-eyed, worried expression. “Wait, you’re kidding, right?”

Rolling his eyes, he swats Jensen’s leg. “Yes, I’m kidding. Jesus.”

“Well, you can’t blame me. You’ve come up with some dodgy ideas over the years. The mudwrestling in––”

“Hey, now!” he interrupts quickly. “We made a pact with Cohen and Jake to never speak of that again!”

Jensen’s laughter is more genuine this time, the kind that makes his eyes crinkle and sounds embarrassingly close to a giggle.

Jared pouts, because Jensen _knows_ the mudwrestling incident falls under the header of Shit We Will Not Talk About, just like the Taco Bell bathroom from sophomore year and what happened with Dan on spring break. But Jensen’s laughter has always been infectious, and he can’t help cracking a smile.

After a minute, Jensen calms down and squeezes Jared’s ankle. “It’ll happen, Jay, and you’ll be a great father,” he says softly.

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely.”

Jared smiles, gaining confidence from Jensen’s conviction.

This isn’t how he’d always pictured his life. He’d thought he’d be married by now to a great guy that loves him and understands him. He thought he’d have kids. Instead he has a couple failed relationships and a string of first dates that never turned into second dates. And Jensen, always Jensen. They’d been roommates freshman year of college and just kinda never got around to living apart, through several apartments and now this house. It’s technically Jared’s, but there was never any question about whether Jensen would move in here with him. It’d been _Jensen’s room_ from the moment Jared first viewed the house.

Jensen had unquestionably supported his decision to adopt when, a few months ago, Jared realized it was stupid to wait for that mythical perfect relationship and he should just go for it.

Jensen carefully moves Jared’s head off his shoulder and onto the back of the couch, then stands up, hands on his hips. His t-shirt is practically see-through it’s so threadbare, and Jared thinks he may have had it since college. “So does this call for pizza and beer to comfort you, or should I break out the tequila?”

“Pizza and beer will be perfect,” he answers. “Thanks, Jen.”

“No problem. Why don’t you go change and find a movie with lots of guns and shit blowing up while I call our order in?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you,” he repeats, catching Jensen’s eye until Jensen nods and walks off to the kitchen to rummage through their menu drawer. Smiling, Jared heads for his bedroom.

 

&&&

 

The next several weeks pass by quickly. Jared doesn’t hear anything from Tim, but he hardly notices since work consumes most of his time. They lost an employee to a rival company, and of course it’s Jared that picks up the slack. He barely sees Jensen, except in passing in the mornings, which counts for little since Jensen is incoherent at best then, and sometimes for an hour or two in the evenings.

Managing to find time to read the materials Tim gave him is difficult, but he squeezes them in during his lunch hour or whenever he grabs an opportunity. Some of the information makes his head spin, but all of it is interesting. He feels a bit better prepare for what the adoption process entails, though he realizes that whatever he learns from reading will mean nothing compared to actually having a baby to take care of.

 

&&&

 

Jared is spending a quiet Tuesday evening at home with Jensen, catching up on TV and gorging himself on three-meat pizza, when a loud knock interrupts Jensen’s rant about shitty commercials.

They exchange glances. It’s not unusual for someone to stop by, most likely Jake and Cohen, but their knock is far more obnoxious than that.

Setting down his pizza, Jared pushes off the couch and goes to answer the door. He opens it to an unfamiliar blonde woman. She’s wearing a navy pantsuit and carrying a thick stack of papers, clipboard balanced on top.

“Mr. Padalecki?”

“That’s me.”

“Hello, I’m Ms. Tal. I’m a social worker with the adoption agency, here to do your first home visit.”

_Oh shit._

“Ah, hello. Please, come in.” He closes the door after her, sharing an anxious glance with Jensen over her head.

“Thank you, Mr. Padalecki.”

“Call me Jared. And this is Jensen.”

Wiping his hands on his pants, Jensen stands up and joins Jared. He presses his palm to the small of Jared’s back, and Jared leans into it, though it doesn’t slow the rapid beat of his heart.

Ms. Tal smiles warmly at them. “I realize this is nerve-wracking for you, having me show up suddenly like this, but you needn’t worry. This is a preliminary visit, to get a feel for you and your home life. I promise I won’t take up much of your time.”

“Whatever you need, go ahead. Do you need us to do anything?”

“I’d like a tour of the house, please, and if you could answer some questions.”

Jared shows her around, Jensen right beside him. It’s a small house, so it doesn’t take long to get through. It’s always been enough for him and Jensen, though. Ms. Tal makes notes as they go along, pointing out fire hazards or other safety issues. She writes a whole paragraph after seeing their spare room and all the junk they store in there. It’ll be the nursery someday, when they finally get around to cleaning out nearly a decade’s worth of random crap.

All the while, Ms. Tal asks then questions. Some are about the house, like when it was built and how old the furnace and water heater are. There are also questions about them, about when they met or what a typical day’s schedule is like. Because Jared is nervous, despite Ms. Tal’s competent and pleasant demeanor, he babbles through all his answers, telling way more information than anyone needs to hear. Jensen is much clearer, of course, and rescues Jared several times from making a complete idiot of himself. When he starts rambling about their closet arrangements, he bites his lip, deciding to let Jensen field the questions for awhile.

“Have you given any thought to childcare?” Ms. Tal asks as they reach the living room again. “it may seem premature, but many parents find themselves in a bind when they fail to make plans ahead of time.”

“My company offers free in-house daycare,” Jared says, “and Jensen will pick the baby up in the afternoons once he’s done with school.”

“Great! I think that’ll finish us up then. I have some forms to fill up that you’ll need to sign before I go.”

“Of course.”

As Jared walks her to the door, Ms. Tal hands him a stack of papers. “More reading material, because I know you haven’t received enough yet.”

He smiles. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry, Jared,” Ms. Tal says, squeezing his arm. “You’re doing great. You and your partner have a lovely home, and it’ll be even better once you work on the improvements we talked about.”

Jared’s too relieved to have this visit over to correct her about his relationship with Jensen.

She gives him another smile that he returns, then leaves.

Shutting the door after Ms. Tal, he shakes his head. “Wonder why she thought we were together,” he says as he leans back against the door.

Jensen shrugs and flops onto the couch. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Yeah. True.”

Jared’s grandfather had often mistaken Jensen for his boyfriend, no matter how many times they explained it to him. Too bad they’re not really dating. It might make the whole adoption thing easier.

_Oh, shit_ , Jared thinks as the perfect plan forms in his head. It’s like finally seeing the hidden picture in those posters, and he doesn’t know why he didn’t think of it sooner.

“You look like you just took some happy pills,” Jensen says. “What is up with you?”  
            “I’m a genius.”

A slow smile spreads across Jared’s face, but Jensen looks more alarmed the wider it gets.

“No,” Jensen blurts, shaking his head.

“But, Jen––”

“No,” he says more forcefully and holds up a hand. “Whatever crazy idea you’ve come up with this time, I want no part of it.”

“But this is _brilliant_.”

“Your brilliant usually lands us in trouble for things like destruction of private property or indecent exposure!”

Undeterred, Jared says, “We should get married,” and is met with Jensen’s mouth literally dropping open. “Seriously, Jen. Marry me.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? You’ve completely lost it this time, haven’t you?”

Shaking his head, he moves to sit on the coffee table in front of Jensen. “It’ll solve all my problems. It’s perfect.”

“It’s insane,” he insists.

“Mr. DeKay said I could get a baby faster if I’m married, and you’d be here anyway helping to take of the baby. This is just taking that one step forward.”

Jensen snorts, crossing his arms and dropping his head.

“Jen,” he says seriously, “I really want to be a father.”

“I know you do.” Jensen’s expression softens around the eyes, no longer as pinched and worried, but he still looks skeptical.

“And you know my chances of adopting are basically nil, that it could take years for me to get placement.”

“Yes, but you have to know getting married is _crazy_.”

“Probably.” At Jensen’s arched eyebrow, Jared flushes and ducks his head. “All right. It’s nuts, but that doesn’t mean it won’t work. Look, I’m not stupid. I realize it’s a risky gamble, but if it helps me, even just a little bit, I’m willing to chance it. And I’m not asking for a lifelong commitment or anything. It wouldn’t be real, mostly just for the adoption agency’s benefit.”

He can see Jensen waffling; it’s in the slight slump of his shoulders and the hand he runs over his face.

“Please, just give me a year. If nothing happens in that time, if I’m no closer to adopting, we can divorce and you’ll be free to tell me how crazy I was.”

Jensen snorts, then sighs. “Oh, hell. You know I can’t resist your goddamn puppy eyes. Yes, all right. You can stop begging now.”

Jared whoops internally and leans forward to wrap Jensen up in a tight hug, burying his face in Jensen’s neck.

“Jesus. Seriously, Jen, thank you so much.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re gonna owe me so fucking much for this.”

Jensen’s tone is dry, but his eyes are soft and full of affection, and Jared’s never loved his best friend as much as he does right now.

“Are you kidding? You get to be my husband. What else could you want?”

Rolling his eyes, Jensen smacks him on the arm. “Asshole.”

Jared grins, the weight on his shoulders already feeling lighter. This will be brilliant.

 

&&&

 

“Hey.”

Jared looks up from the coffee he’s lingering over to find Jensen standing in the kitchen doorway. His hair is sticking up in a dozen different directions, and he’s squinting since he can’t see without his contacts but has to be awake for awhile before “shoving things in my eyeballs” and won’t wear his glasses.

“Morning,” Jared says, kicking out another chair with his foot for Jensen to sit on.

He bypasses to the cupboard first to get down a mug and pour himself some coffee. He plops into the chair heavily, then lays his head on his pillowed arms, the very picture of someone that’s not a morning person. It makes Jared hide a smirk in his mug, watching Jensen wake up in fits and starts.

“Do you still want to go through with your crazy plan?” he asks finally, squinting up at Jared and running his fingers through the messy spikes of his hair.

“Yes, I do.”

Jensen lets out a long breath. “Okay then.”

“Are you sure, Jen?”

“When have I ever told you no?”

“I’m serious, Jen. I only want to do this if you’re positive about it.”

“I’m sure, I promise. I spent most of the night thinking it over.”

So had Jared, worrying that Jensen would change his mind.

“There’s one thing, though,” Jensen continues. “A request, I guess.”

“Of course. Whatever. You’re saving my life with this, Jen.”

“Man, I’d ask for a crapload of money in exchange, but I know you don’t have any.”

“Jerk,” he mutters and kicks Jensen’s ankle under the table.

“I don’t really want anything like that. You know I’d never ask for anything when you need a favor.”

“I know, so tell me your request.”

“I want to tell our families. There’s no way I could lie to my mom, not about something so huge. It’ll be tough enough to act like a married couple for the adoption agency. I think I’ll go crazy if I can’t be myself sometimes.”

“Just our families? I get what you’re saying, Jen, but I think it’s better if fewer people know the truth.”

“Just our families,” Jensen assures him.

“We can do that. My mom would probably figure it out anyway and then make me feel extremely guilty for lying to her.”

Jensen laughs. “Your mom is good at guilt trips. I still feel bad about the glass I broke when I was there the summer after freshman year.”

He remembers that. Jensen had been nervous about making a good impression on his parents and volunteered to do the dishes after dinner. He’d fumbled one glass, and it shattered all over the floor. Luckily Jensen hadn’t hurt himself, but he did turn as red as a tomato and periodically babbled apologies for the rest of his time with them.

“I don’t think she cares about the glass anymore, Jen. You should be safe.” He pauses, fiddling with his empty mug. “If we do this–– _when_ we do this, your name will have to be on the adoption papers.”

“I know that.”

“I don’t––the marriage license may just be a piece of paper that doesn’t mean anything, but the adoption papers don’t have to be. You can be the baby’s father just as much as I am, if you want.”

“Really?”

“You can be cool Uncle Jensen if you’d rather but…” He trails off, not sure what else to say. He may have spent the last year or so bemoaning the fact that he doesn’t have a family yet, but Jensen never does. He’s mentioned kids occasionally over the years, but not like Jared. He doesn’t know if this is even something Jensen would want.

“That’s––wow. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that with all your talk of this crazy plan yesterday.” He takes a breath and holds it in for a moment before exhaling. “Yes. Raising a baby with you might be even more insane than marrying you, but let’s do it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jared smiles stupidly at him for a long moment, feeling hopeful and excited and nervous as hell.

 

&&&

 

Of course, what seemed like a brilliant idea when talking to Jensen shows all its flaws when they tell their families about their plan. No one is shy about pointing out all the ways that it could go wrong. Jared tries not to listen; he lies awake at night already, thinking over worst-case scenarios and how to avoid them. She doesn’t say anything plainly, but Jared knows his mom is disappointed that he’s getting married in this way. He understands that, because he is too, though he won’t admit that out loud. He gets his romantic beliefs about The One and happily-ever-after from his mom and while he feels this is the right thing to do, he wishes it could be different.

In the end, despite their misgivings, everyone is supportive.

Not long after that, they begin “dating,” which, in the end, doesn’t change much in their lives beyond telling people they’re dating and touching more in public. To a point anyway; Jensen’s never liked PDA. Mostly they hang out at home or with friends. After all the shit they’ve gotten over the years about being attached at the hips or acting like an old married couple, their friends are positively gleeful that they’ve “finally succumbed to the inevitable.” Jared feels like a dick for lying to them and wishes it were true, just to keep everyone so happy. Most people seem to accept “it just happened” as a good reason for them to start dating now, but Jake and Cohen––especially Cohen––don’t buy it and pester him and Jensen for details. Which is a problem, since they have no details to tell anyone, though that’s nothing compared to the good-natured prying into their sex lives. After 15-plus years of being his roommate, Jared knows Jensen is very loud in bed and pretty good if the satisfied smiles of his partners are anything to go by.

Once the novelty of their relationship dulls, everybody settles down, and Jared and Jensen can relax, focus more on getting ready for the adoption, even though that’s probably still a long way off.

 

&&&

 

After they decide to get married, the next few months are a whirlwind. They continue to pretend date. They get engaged and start planning the wedding. They meet with Tim a couple times and get Jen officially listed on the adoption papers. Tim seems skeptical about their sudden relationship, but that might be Jared’s paranoia. They take CPR and first aid classes, as well as other parenting classes. There are background checks and interviews. Jared doesn’t mind it all, because it means something is happening, even if it’s just prep for a baby and not getting actual placement.

 

&&&

 

Much to his mom’s dismay, he and Jensen don’t separate on the day of the wedding and instead share the same room to get ready. It used to be Jeff’s room once upon a time but is now the guestroom, full of flowery accents and lots of pink. It makes Jared feel like he’s trapped in a garden.

It’s a gorgeous fall day, the air crisp and clear. Jared would like to think it’s the universe’s way of giving its blessing for their insane plan. He can hear people outside through the open window, setting up the tent for the reception and lining up the chairs for the ceremony. Growing up, Jared loved having such a large backyard. All their friends used to come here, since it was big enough for football or baseball or epic games of tag. Those memories are one of the reasons he bought his house. He wanted his kids to have a yard to play in, even if it’s nowhere near the size of his parents’.

Coming out of the bathroom, Jared almost collides with Jensen, then has to swallow a gasp. Jensen looks gorgeous in his tux, the emerald of his vest and tie making his bright eyes seem even greener. He feels guilty about taking the excitement of his real wedding away from Jensen, but he’s selfish enough to want to go through with it.

But still…

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks, gripping Jensen’s shoulders.

“Yes. Do you?”

“Absolutely.” Grinning, he holds Jensen at arm’s length and playfully looks him up and down. “I’m gonna have the hottest fake husband _ever_.”

Jensen laughs, ducking his head and blushing a dull red.

It’s one of his favorite looks on Jensen.

There’s a soft knock on the door, followed by Sherry sticking her head inside.

“Are you boys ready? They want to get started.”

“Yeah, Mama. We’ll be right there.” He turns to Jensen and smiles, trying not to let his sudden nerves show. “I’ll see you on the other side?”

Jensen’s smile trembles around the edges, but his eyes and voice are clear when he says, “See you soon.”

Jared squeezes his bicep, then watches him walk out. Sherry comes in before Jared’s nerves can get the better of him.

“You’re so handsome,” she tells him, reaching up to smooth the lapels on his jacket and then an unruly lock of hair.

“Mama.” He wants to tell her not to fuss––he’s never liked being fussed over––but he lets it go for today. “Thanks for all of this. I realize you don’t exactly approve of what we’re doing.”

“Do I wish you were marrying someone for love? Of course. But your father and I will always support you, no matter what.” She pauses to wipe at her eyes, and Jared pretends there aren’t tears gathering in the corners of his own eyes. “I admire that you’re going after what you want and not letting anything stand in your way. I simply wish there were another option.”

“Me too.”

“I’m glad you have Jensen, though. He’s a good boy. He’s been a good friend to you.”

“The best.” He never would’ve made it through college without Jensen, let alone the past several months.

“Well, anyway. We shouldn’t keep everyone waiting,” Sherry says, fishing a tissue out of her bag––why she’s carrying one around her own house, Jared doesn’t have a clue––and drying her eyes. “It’s time to go downstairs.”

“Right.”

_Last chance to change your mind_ , a small voice inside his head tells him. He quells it, kicks it into silence, and squares his shoulders with determination.

Jared never pictured his wedding or who he would marry. That was never important to him, as long as he was with somebody amazing that loved him. A girl at first, until he was 13 and figured out he was gay. The kids part, though, that’s always been clear. A little boy or a little girl, he doesn’t care which or how many. He just wants kids, and today is a step toward that hazy future he dreams about.

Gerry and Jeff meet them in the kitchen, and together they walk outside. There’s soft music playing, something classical that Jared doesn’t really recognize but Jensen loves. The reception tent is off to the left, blurred shadows moving around inside to finish the setup, and several dozen chairs fan out in the center of the yard, where their swing set and sandbox used to be. He and Jensen had requested no flowers, but there are wide green ribbon bows affixed to the back of each chair and an elaborate iron-wrought arch at the end of the aisle. Jared and Jeff join Isabelle there while their parents sit in the front row.

They don’t have long to wait for Jensen. Jared has to bite his lip to hold in his knowing grin when everybody murmurs appreciatively at Jensen. He really does look beautiful, with the sun picking out the random golden highlights in his hair and the tux hugging his body in all the right ways. Seriously, hottest fake husband ever.

Jensen flashes him an impish grin as he gets closer, and Jared automatically smiles back. Beside him, Jeff rolls his eyes.

When Jensen stops next to him, Jared slips his hand into Jensen’s and squeezes. Jensen’s grip is strong and dry, and that eases Jared’s nerves a bit.

Isabelle clears her throat after the music ends on a long note. She keeps it short, like they asked, and after a brief welcome speech, moves right along to their vows. They’d searched the internet for days for appropriate ones, on their own and with Isabelle, looking for something not so mushy but would still sound heartfelt and loving.

“Jared, you first,” Isabelle prods gently, smiling.

Jared takes in a deep, fortifying breath and focuses on Jensen, blocking everyone else from his awareness.

“Jensen, I take you as my husband. I promise to love and care for you, and I will try in every way to be worthy of you. I’ll always be honest with you and stand with you, whatever life brings us. But most of all, I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you. I love you, Jen.”

“Jared, I take you as my husband. I promise to love and care for you, and I will try in every way to be worthy of you. I’ll always be honest with you and stand with you, whatever life brings us. But most of all, I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you. I love you, Jay.”

“The rings, please,” Isabelle says after a moment, and Jeff and Josh hand them over. “Jared, if you’ll repeat after me…”

“Jen, take this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion.” The ring slides on easily. It’s simple, plain gold with a rounded edge, and Jared briefly curls his hand around it, feeling the coolness of it against his skin.

Jensen picks the ring up from Isabelle’s palm and places it on Jared’s finger. “Jared, take this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion.”

When the weight of the band settles at the base of his finger, something in Jared loosens, like the hard part is finally over, though he realizes that’s probably not true.

Isabelle beams at them, but her eyes are sparkling mischievously. “I now pronounce you wed. You may kiss to seal your union.”

Jared grins and tugs Jensen closer, then presses their mouths together. It’s not their first kiss. Freshman year, one night when they were completely plastered on tequila and cheap beer, they made out for awhile. It’d been good, if a bit sloppy with too much spit. Jensen hadn’t remembered a thing the next morning, and it never got brought up. Jared still thinks about it sometimes, though.

This kiss is much more coordinated, but it’s light and over quickly. Jared just hopes it comes across as real and not awkward.

When Jared opens his eyes––he’s not sure when he closed them––Jensen’s cheeks are flushed pink and he’s biting his bottom lip, gaze darting away from Jared in an embarrassed gesture Jared recognizes well. He brushes a thumb over Jensen’s cheek, then kisses his nose, eliciting the annoyed huff from Jensen he was hoping for. Tangling their fingers together, he faces their audience, bringing Jensen with him, and braces himself for everyone’s congratulations.

There isn’t so much a receiving line as there is a receiving _mob_ , people standing around in a chaotic group and jostling each other until one or two break free to offer hugs and handshakes, teary or enthusiastic. Jared endures it all with a smile stuck on his face, Jensen right beside him. Their hands brush occasionally, and Jared feels a fleeting, reassuring touch on his side more than once. It’s a little overwhelming, everyone’s happiness for them, and he has to keep the goal of this sham marriage in mind so he doesn’t feel like a bastard for deceiving his friends and family. It’ll be worth it, once he’s finally a father.

After the crowd disperses to the reception tent, he and Jensen are dragged off to another part of the yard for pictures.

“Does this seem like an especially bad episode of _America’s Next Top Model_ to you?” Jensen asks partway through the photographer’s lengthy explanation of what pose she wants them to do next.

Jared ruins what’s supposed to be a classy, subdued shot by bursting out laughing, which causes Jensen to lose it as well, giggling and leaning against Jared to stay upright, the lines around his eyes crinkling.

It’s a good 10 minutes before they calm down, much to the photographer’s irritation. She pronounces them done after a handful more pictures when they can’t hold their laughter in anymore.

The rest of their families head into the tent while he and Jensen hang outside for a few minutes, as alone as they’re likely to get all night.

“So, Mr. Padalecki,” Jared says, tugging on the bottom of Jensen’s jacket.

“That’s still Mr. Ackles to you,” Jensen corrects him, grinning, one eyebrow raised.

“Right. Because you’re an independent woman and won’t take my name.”

Jensen smacks his arm but then sobers. “We really did it,” he says, his eyes wide and slightly disbelieving.

“Having regrets already?”

Jensen smirks. “Can you get a divorce two hours after getting married?”

“I think it’d be an annulment then.” And even though it’s a little late for this, he asks, “We can do this, can’t we?”

“Yeah, Jay, we can.”

His voice is a lot more certain than he looks, but it stills the butterflies in Jared’s stomach and the restless itching along his skin.

Josh pokes his head out of the tent then and gestures them inside. Jensen links his arm through Jared’s, and they enter the tent amid clapping, cheers, and whistles. As they make their way to the small table reserved for them, Jared takes in the simple decorations. Small crystal chandeliers provide light. Cream cloths cover each table, napkins and a pillar candle supplying a shock of dark green against the plain tablecloths and place settings. Jensen had suggested a Cowboys-themed centerpiece, but Jared vetoed it before determining if he was kidding or not.

When they reach the table, Jared holds his hand up for silence. “Hey, guys. Jen and I just wanted to say thank you for being here today to celebrate with us.”

“We really appreciate it,” Jensen adds, turning to face Jared with a soft, happy smile. “This is the best day, made better because y’all are here with us.”

Sliding an arm around Jensen’s waist, Jared kisses the side of his head. “And now we’ll shut up so they can serve the food, since I’m sure you’re all starving.”

Jeff leads the cheer on that one and laughing, he and Jensen sit down.

They barely make it through three bites of their meal––thick, juicy steaks, loaded baked potatoes, and a side salad––before some asshole that, to his shock, Jared suspects is Jensen’s _mother_ starts the glass clinking kiss thing. Jared looks at Jensen, who raises an eyebrow and shrugs _why not_?

“All right, but you only get one,” Jared tells them.

“So make it good!” Cohen shouts, winking.

Jared briefly considers giving him the finger before remembering their grandparents are here.

“Jen?”

Jensen answers by hauling him in with a hand at the nape of his neck, muffling Jared’s surprised squeak with his mouth. This is a long way off from the earlier, simple peck on the lips. Jensen parts his mouth and sucks on Jared’s bottom lip, and Jared loses track of everything else––where they are, who’s watching, that this isn’t real. When Jensen pulls away, panting softly against Jared’s cheek, Jared can only sit there dumbfounded, lips tingling. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Jensen sheepishly sits back in his chair, face flushed in embarrassment.

“Well, I think that did the trick,” someone says. Jared can’t tell who.

“Hell yeah!” Cohen confirms with a low whistle.

Jared snaps out of it and picks up his fork again, though it takes him a minute to actually begin eating.

“Sorry,” Jensen mutters into his plate.

“Don’t apologize. Just, ya know, warn me next time.”

Jensen snorts and his shoulders relax, and just that easily things go back to normal between them.

At the end of the meal, Jeff and Josh stand up, and the tent falls quiet, except the soft noises of Jensen’s cousin’s little girl.

“Uh, these guys told us we had to make a best man speech,” Josh says, indicating him and Jen with his glass of champagne. “So I made Jeff write one. Jeff?”

Jeff rolls his eyes at Josh’s insolent grin, then clears his throat. “When Jared was six, we went to our aunt Kathy’s wedding. JT complained the whole time––about his suit and his uncomfortable shoes, about having to wait to eat the cake and dance with all the icky girls. At the end of the night, JT informed all of us that he was never getting married, because weddings were boring and stupid. Mom tried to convince him he’d change his mind when he found someone special, but he only pouted and crossed his arms and repeated that he’d never ever, ever get married.” He pauses for the usual out-of-the-mouths-of-babes _aws_. “I’m really glad Jensen’s given you a reason to change your mind, JT.”

“What he said,” Josh puts in, and everybody laughs. He lifts his glass in a toast. “To Jensen and Jared.”

The toast echoes around the tent to the sound of glasses clinking. Jared taps his glass against Jensen’s, leaning in to snuggle against him. Jensen wraps his arm around him, the food and champagne making him more mellow and affectionate.

There’s another chorus of _aws_ , and Jensen buries his head in Jared’s shoulder. Jared catches Jeff’s eye and smiles, mouthing _thanks_. He only vaguely remembers Aunt Kathy’s wedding, just an impression of being bored and hungry. He doesn’t recall declaring he wasn’t going to get married, though it sounds like something he would’ve said at that age.

The story also makes him think of cake and the dessert they have waiting for them tonight.

“Hey, do you think it’s too early for cake?” he asks, nudging Jensen, who laughs softly. It reverberates against him pleasantly. “Is that a ‘yes, Jay, let’s go cut the cake before you die from lack of sugar’?”

“Yes, Jay.”

“Awesome!”

Jared tugs Jensen out of his chair and across the tent to the dessert table. There’s a three-tiered chocolate cake with butter cream icing, as well as chocolate-covered strawberries and assorted cookies. Per their agreement––meaning Jensen threatening Jared with bodily harm––Jared simply feeds a bite of cake to Jensen instead of smashing it in his face. He does streak a bit of frosting across Jensen’s nose, which earns him a glare that’s more adorable than intimidating.

Jared unashamedly brings two pieces of cake back to their table, despite Jensen’s knowing smirk. He lingers over dessert, savoring the rich chocolate and the lightness of the icing.

It’s the last bit of calm and peace they get for awhile, since after that they have to go mingle with their guests. They start off circling the tent together, but Jensen gets cornered at one point by Jared’s great aunt Beatrice and Jared happily escapes, leaving Jensen to face the formidable woman alone.

It feels like hours later when Jared meets Jensen by the dessert table. Jensen’s picking through what’s left of the strawberries, looking a bit tired around the eyes. Jared steals a berry from him, finishing it off in one bite. He rests a hand at the small of Jensen’s back and Jensen leans into the touch, which says more about his state of mind than Jensen would ever tell him.  

They dance some, Jensen growing less inhibited with every glass of champagne and later, with the Jack Daniels that Jeff snuck in. He sticks close to Jared, though, and not only because newlyweds are meant to hang on each other. When he starts looking slightly caged in and wild-eyed, Jared decides to get him away from the crowd for a bit.

Snaking his arm around Jensen’s waist, Jared murmurs, “Come with me.”

“Come where?” Jensen asks, smiling up at Jared. His cheeks are a little flushed from Jeff’s secret stash of Jack, his eyes a bit too wide. He seems mostly happy, though a bit overwhelmed. He looks slightly mussed, jacket off and tie loosened, hair sweaty at the temples, but still gorgeous. There’s one crazy, terrifying moment where Jared wants to back him against the wall of the tent and kiss his lopsided smile. He blinks, and whatever was there before fades.

“It’s a surprise,” he tells Jensen. “Just come with me. I promise you’ll like it.”

“Okay,” Jensen says.

Jared grins and tugs Jensen out of the tent, pausing long enough to snag two flutes and a half-empty bottle of champagne.

Jensen takes the flutes from him, then eyes him askance. “Are you luring me into the woods for nefarious purposes?” He indicates the line of trees bordering his parents’ property with his chin, and Jared laughs.

“No, I swear. This is totally legitimate.”

Jared hooks his arm through Jensen’s, more for balance than anything else. He might not be as far gone as Jensen, but he’s still slightly unsteady on his feet.

It’s pretty dark, though the moon is bright enough to see by. They walk for several minutes, past the tree line––Jensen glances at him suspiciously, grin curving up one side of his mouth––until Jared stops by a ladder attached to one particularly large tree.

“A tree house? Really? Did you have your _we hate girls_ meetings here?”

Jared snorts, then shakes his head. “It was Megan’s actually. Jeff and I helped Dad build it. Come on,” he urges, walking closer to the tree.

It’s not very high up. Jared could lift himself through the hole in the floor without much trouble if he wanted. Handing Jensen the champagne bottle, he climbs the last few rungs, then reaches down to take the bottle and glasses from Jensen.

Jensen squints up at the tree house, frowning. “Are you sure this is gonna hold our weight?”

“Absolutely. Now get your pretty ass up here.”

Jensen starts climbing with a wry smile. Jared helps him up the rest of the way and then they both look around. The tree house has definitely deteriorated some over the years of neglect––god knows when anyone used it last––but it’s still in surprisingly good shape. The ceiling is whole, the floor sturdy, and the yellow gauzy curtains are still in the windows. They have to hunch over to avoid hitting their heads, but it’s pretty much exactly as Jared remembers it.

They settle on the floor with their backs against the wall, shoulders to thighs touching because of the cramped space. Jensen pours them each a glass of champagne, and they toast to a successful wedding.

“I remember when we built this. Dad and Jeff and I spent a month working on it every weekend,” Jared says wistfully. He’d been 15 at the time, and he felt so grown up when they let him help. It’s one of his best memories.

“Yeah? And how many times did you hit your thumb instead of a nail?” Jensen teases, knocking their shoulders together.

“Hey, I’ll have you know I’m a deft hand with a hammer!”

“Sure.” He draws the word out for a long moment, and Jared doesn’t need to turn his head to know Jensen’s smirking. “These hands have seen a lot of manual labor.” He picks up one of Jared’s hands, running a thumb over the callous-free fingertips and for some reason, the light touch makes Jared shiver.

“Whatever. Like you’re any better,” Jared mutters.

Jensen snorts, then leans more firmly against Jared, sighing tiredly. He hasn’t let go of Jared’s hand yet, instead he’s idly spinning the ring on Jared’s finger. It tickles a little, but Jared doesn’t stop him. “Does it feel weird to you?” he asks quietly, indicating Jared’s ring that he’s still fiddling with.

“Yeah, but we’ll get used to it.” Eventually.

Jensen makes a noncommittal noise and hides a yawn against Jared’s shoulder. Smiling, Jared wraps an arm around him.

“Thank you, for all this. I know it’s been a bit crazy.”

“You’d do the same for me.”

“I would,” he agrees readily, nodding.

They sit up there for a long while, mostly in silence, and finish off the champagne. Eventually they decide to head back, even though Jared would love to stay up here longer. Jensen trips down the ladder, more than a little drunk, and Jared catches him before he can faceplant into the tree. Jensen chokes off an embarrassed laugh, rolling his eyes at himself. Jared slips his hand into Jensen’s, pleased when Jensen doesn’t pull away.

The crowd has thinned out considerably, but there are still a lot of people hanging around, eating and drinking or talking in small groups. Jared dumps the empty bottle and flutes on a table while Jensen goes in search of some water. Jared gets distracted by his third piece of cake and talking to a couple distant cousins. He finds Jensen a few minutes later, standing with Josh and their dads. Even from the back, Jared can tell how tired Jensen is, in the curve of his shoulders and how he lists slightly to the side. He slips his arms around Jensen’s waist from behind and presses a quick kiss behind his ear. Jensen only startles a little before resting back against Jared’s chest.

“You ready to get out of here?” he asks softly in Jensen’s ear, and Jensen nods, sighing wearily. It’s late, really late. Jared suddenly seriously wants his bed.

They go through a gauntlet of goodbye hugs and kisses, then climb into the limo, which has cans and streamers attached to the bumper, hanging off the cheesy _just married_ sign. Once they’re inside and alone, they can fully relax. Jensen sinks into the seat, eyes closed and head tipped back.

Now’s when it all really begins.

 

&&&

 

Jared wakes up with a horrible taste in his mouth and loud knocking on the door making his head pound. Jensen’s draped on top of him, short hair tickling the underside of Jared’s chin. This isn’t new for them. Back in college, they used to sleep in the same bed a lot, mostly after a night of drinking, when they’d come home and tumble into the closest bed, too drunk to bother finding their own space. They’d also pile onto Jensen’s bed since it was nearer to the TV and watch movies or marathon shows. Jared inevitably fell asleep first, head pillowed on Jensen’s shoulder, but Jensen never kicked him out into his own bed.

Jared lies there feeling miserable and hungover for a few moments, until the incessant knocking penetrates the fog in his brain and reminds him that someone’s at the door. Groaning, Jared carefully extracts himself from underneath Jensen’s starfish sprawl and stumbles out of the room. He has no idea who it could be. Everyone knows to leave them alone today, especially at barely-7 in the morning.

When he finally makes it to the door, Ms. Tal is standing on his porch, looking fresh and poised in a dark pants suit, her hair pulled up into a simple ponytail. She smiles at him, and Jared freezes with his mouth hanging open slightly and his heart suddenly pounding.

“Ms. Tal. Hello.”

“Alona, please.”

“Alona. Right.”

“Good morning, Jared. Is this a bad time?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at the stained t-shirt and basketball shorts he slept in. No doubt he looks a complete mess.

“Oh, uh. No,” he assures her, even though it kind of is. “Jen and I got married yesterday, so it was a pretty late night.”

“Oh!” Her whole face relaxes, turning soft and fond. “Congratulations! How exciting for you!”

“Thanks.”

It seems weird to say it for the first time, and it hits him then that Jensen is his _husband_ , and they’re gonna have to act like it in front of people that don’t know the truth. The wedding was different; the atmosphere last night made it seem easy to fall into that role.

“I’d come back, but––”

“Rules are rules, and it’s called a surprise home visit for a reason.” Jared smiles and holds the door open wider. “Come on in. Can you give me 10 minutes to get dressed and wake Jen up?”

“Of course.”

“Great, thanks. We’ll be right out.”

He leaves Alona in the living room––flicking through the mess of papers and magazines on their coffee table––and hurries into the bedroom. Jensen’s still in the same position, spread out over the whole mattress on his stomach. Jared shakes his arm, then shakes it again, harder, and Jensen startles awake, flailing his arms and muttering something unintelligible and adorable. Jared grins, running his hand through the disheveled spikes of Jensen’s hair.

“You awake?”

“Wha?” Scrubbing a hand over his face, Jensen rolls onto his back and blinks owlishly up at him.

“Rise and shine, sweetheart!” he exclaims with false cheer, trying not to let his anxiety show. “Ms. Tal is here for a sneak attack. You need to be up and semi-coherent in five minutes.”

“Coffee,” Jensen demands. At least that’s what Jared assumes he said, since it sound more like “c’fee.”

“I’ll start the coffee maker as long as you get dressed and meet me in the kitchen in two minutes.”

Jensen flaps his arm, then tosses back the covers. Jared watches him for a second before diving for the dresser. He throws on a clean t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

Alona’s still in the living room, clipboard in hand now, jotting down a note here and there. A quick glance around tells him there shouldn’t be anything incriminating, but he still panics a little, knowing he and Jensen have something to hide now.

He slides into the kitchen to start the coffee before she can see him. The awful hungover feeling hasn’t left him, and he wants nothing more than to go back to bed for another few hours until they head to the airport. Jensen times it perfectly and shuffles into the room just as the coffee finishes brewing, eyes still half closed. Jared pours them each a mug while Jensen leans heavily against his side. He’s still sleep warm and soft with it, and Jared rests his cheek against Jensen’s temple for a moment, letting it calm him down a bit.

“Did I imagine you saying someone’s here for a hostile takeover?” Jensen mumbles into his mug after Jared presses it into his hand.

He snorts quietly. “Alona’s here for a home visit.”

“Alona? Now?” Jensen straightens up at that, snapping awake in a way the hit of caffeine didn’t do for him.

“She can come whenever she wants, as many times as she wants. They’re random, _unannounced_ visits. Anyway, we should get out there to keep an eye on what she’s poking through.”

“Shit,” Jensen says, rubbing his face. “I don’t have enough working brain cells to deal with this right now.”

“Neither do I. Just think of it as the first test of our marriage.”

“Great,” he mutters as he sets down his empty mug. “Okay. So, united front? Should I call you muffin and stare at you sappily while holding your hand?”

“Don’t you dare call me muffin,” Jared warns, wrapping an arm around Jensen’s shoulders and steering him out of the kitchen.

Alona isn’t currently poking through anything, thankfully, but that does nothing to alleviate Jared’s nerves.

“Jensen, hello! Jared told me the wonderful news. Congratulations!”

“Thank you. We’re pretty happy about it.”

“I apologize for interrupting your honeymoon. I’m sure I’m the last person you wanted to see this morning.” o

“Honestly? I didn’t plan to see the morning at all since we were up so late last night.” Jensen cocks his eyebrow in a way Jared can only describe as _lewd_ and snuggles in closer to Jared, resting his hand on Jared’s stomach.

Blushing, Alona drops her gaze to the clipboard in her hands. “Yes, well, I will try to be quick and let you guys get back to––” She trails off, blushing again, then clears her throat. “I mostly want to go over the changes we talked about last time.”

Jared grabs Jensen’s hand as they follow Alona for her inspection. Jensen sends him a reassuring smile, but he clings to Jared just as tightly, keeping close to Jared’s side throughout. Jensen’s hand in his stops Jared from going into full freak out mode. What if they left something sitting out that catches them in this lie of a marriage? What if one of them inadvertently says something to tip her off? _Holy shit, why isn’t she_ talking _this time? This is killing me._

“Hey,” Jensen says, drawing Jared to the side while Alona _tsks_ over their still full of junk spare room. “You need to calm down, Jay.”

“Right. I will if you will,” Jared counters. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

Jensen smiles crookedly at him. His hand shakes as he lays it on Jared’s arm, though. “We made it through the wedding yesterday with all those people. We can face down one woman.”

“Right.” He sounds unsure even to his own ears.

“Jay. You being nervous is making me nervous. We’ve gotta calm down or she’ll wonder why we’re jumpier than the first time. She’ll think we’re hiding something and since we _are_ , that’s the last thing we want her to think.”

“Okay. We can do this.” Blowing out a long breath, he pulls Jensen into a hug. When Jensen tucks his face into Jared’s neck, Jared closes his eyes and whispers “thank you” into Jensen’s ear.

Jensen doesn’t get a chance to respond. Alona clears her throat as she joins them in the hallway. She looks embarrassed at interrupting what she perceives as an intimate moment. Cheeks heating, Jared turns toward her but keeps an arm around Jensen.

“Uh, we know that room is still terrible,” Jared says. Jensen leans heavily against him, which probably looks sweet and snuggly to Alona, but Jared knows it’s because Jensen’s coffee buzz is wearing off, proven by the yawn he hides against Jared’s shoulder.

“Yes, it is,” Alona says as she writes a note on her clipboard. “I see some improvement in there and some other areas, however, which is good. I have forms for you to sign, of course, and then I’ll leave you two alone.”

“Thank you,” Jensen says, leering up at Jared and okay, that’s just _bizarre_. And a little frightening.

Alona wastes no time after that, thrusting the papers at Jared and hurrying out the door before Jared can process what’s going on.

“Well,” Jared starts.

Clapping his hands, Jensen takes off down the hallway, calling over his shoulder, “Now that that’s over, I’m going back to bed.”

It is still early. There’s hours yet before they’re due to leave for their honeymoon and now that Alona’s gone, Jared’s energy seems to drain out of him. He stumbles after Jensen, hardly paying attention to Jensen stripping down to boxers and t-shirt or the fact that he crawls back into Jared’s bed. Jared gets under the covers with his jeans still on, falling asleep within moments.

 

&&&

 

Saint Thomas is beautiful. Jensen had protested coming here, since it’s not a legitimate honeymoon, but he changes his mind once they check into their hotel and walk to the beach. Jared’s never seen him smile that big.

Jensen burns that first day, his cheeks, nose, and forehead turning a bright pink. Jared buys him aloe cream from the hotel gift shop––and sunscreen that he makes Jensen promise to put on every hour––and tries not to grin at Jensen’s grumpy face. Once the sunburn fades, more freckles pop out on Jensen’s face. He whines about it, but Jared’s always liked Jensen’s freckles. He sometimes gets distracted counting them, impossible since new ones appear every day with all the sun they’re getting. It doesn’t stop Jared from trying.

They lie around on the beach, sipping fruity drinks with colorful umbrellas, and go snorkeling. Jensen falls in love with zip lining, though Jared stays on the ground and watches Jensen have fun.

Their hotel room only has one bed so they grow used to sleeping next to each other, a habit they continue once they get home. It makes sense, if they want to sell their marriage as real. Some of Jared’s favorite moments from their trip consist of waking up beside a still-sleeping Jensen, his hair sticking up like a hedgehog. He usually sleeps spread out, and Jared often ends up clinging to the edge of the mattress with Jensen’s hand in his face or leg pinning his, until he learns how to arrange himself around Jensen’s octopus limbs.

It’s so nice relaxing and being themselves for awhile, to get a break from their reality––of lying and deception, as Jensen likes to say. Jared’s happy to go home, though.

 

&&&

 

Christmas has never been that big of a deal with Jared’s family. He and Jeff grew apathetic at the whole waking up early on Christmas morning thing at a young age, preferring to sleep in, and once Megan reached the age of not believing in Santa, they began opening their presents on Christmas Eve instead. Other than visiting family on the actual day, they don’t have traditions or anything.

Jensen’s family, on the other hand, treats Christmas with joy and anticipation. They invited Jared to spend the day with them several years ago, and now he heads over there every year after opening presents with his family so he can wake up bright and way too early on Christmas morning. It always surprises Jared that Jensen is often the first one up since he’d sleep until noon on a normal day if he could.

Jensen sometimes comes to the Padaleckis’ for Christmas Eve, though Jared generally tells him not to bother since it’s so lame––the tree is the only form of decoration and even that is a pathetic excuse for a Christmas tree. Sherry insisted Jensen come this year, however, because “he’s your husband, dammit. I don’t care if it’s not real.” Bringing Jensen seems like the least Jared can do after everything his family did for the wedding and all.

With Jensen here, things are a little livelier than usual, aided in part by Jensen’s snowman sweater and Santa hat, but mostly due to Jensen’s enthusiasm regarding anything Christmas-related. Jared enjoys Gerry’s bemused expression when Jensen suggests singing carols and Jeff’s horrified face when Jensen says they should watch _It’s a Wonderful Life_. The kids love it, even if no one else does. Jared can’t help beaming like an idiot while he listens to Jensen talk with Reece and Anne about Santa and the elves, swapping the most ridiculous theories on the North Pole and how Santa delivers presents to every kid in one night.

Jesus, Jared can’t wait to be a dad.

It’s nearly midnight when they arrive at Donna and Alan’s, but Jared feels too keyed up to sleep right away. He and Jensen pile blankets on the couch and watch _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ while nursing generously spiked eggnog. Jared wakes up when it’s still dark outside, the flickering TV providing the only light. Jensen shakes his arm, grinning so wide it must hurt.

“Merry Christmas, Jay!” Jensen shouts, which must wake up anybody lucky enough to still be sleeping.

“Hmph,” Jared replies and pulls a blanket over his head. “What ungodly hour are you getting me up at?”

“It’s a little after 7. Come on, Jay. Up and at ‘em.”

Jared peeks out from under his blanket, pouting up at Jensen hovering above him. “I hate you.”

“You can’t hate me. It’s Christmas.”

He grunts but loses his chance to reply when Mackenzie skips into the room and leans over the arm of the couch.

“Ooh, looky what I have. Mistletoe!”

Bending his head back, Jared sees the plastic mistletoe in Mackenzie’s hand, faded and cracked with age, and groans. “Oh, god. It’s too early for this.”

“You know the rules, boys.”

“Mackenzie,” Jensen says in his older brother voice, but Mackenzie just shoves the mistletoe in his face. Rolling his eyes, he sighs. “We may as well, Jay, or she’ll bug us all day.”

“Yep!”

“Pest,” Jensen calls her, but it sounds more fond than annoyed.

It’s a quick kiss, not much more than a peck. Mackenzie giggles and smiles at them in a decidedly idiotic way.

And because she’s a brat, Mackenzie sneak attacks them with mistletoe throughout the day, cackling like an over-the-top Bond villain each time. Whenever she shows up––leaping out from behind the Christmas tree once––Jared ignores her and Jensen tries shooing her away, but nothing short of a kiss will get rid of her.

It doesn’t ruin the day for them, however. The rest of the family wanders downstairs when Jensen’s still working on his first cup of coffee, which he promptly abandons on the counter to go bounding into the living room. Jared carries his mug with him and stands back a bit while Jensen, Mackenzie, and the kids dive under the tree and begin distributing the presents. The place is a wrapping paper-strewn mess in no time. Jared helps clean up, and Jensen follows Josh and Mackenzie into the kitchen to make their traditional Christmas breakfast––cinnamon rolls and hot cocoa. They’ve barely recovered from that when it’s time to prep for lunch, which always involves enough food to feed the whole neighborhood.

He’s standing next to Jensen peeling potatoes when Mackenzie pops up behind them and waves the mistletoe in their faces.

Setting down his knife––she’s really risking her life to do this when they’re holding sharp and pointy things––Jensen squares his shoulders. “Right,” he says, then grabs Jared’s face and tugs him into a kiss that makes Jared’s legs feel a bit wobbly. Someone gasps, and Josh whistles obnoxiously.

When Jensen finally lets him go, Mackenzie has a startled expression on her face and a hand pressed to her chest. Jared bites his lip to keep from laughing and leans against Jensen. His knees still feel unsteady.

Mackenzie stops chasing them with the mistletoe after that.

This is the best Christmas Jared remembers having in years.  

 

&&&

 

They get into an argument over the nursery. It’s certainly not the first fight they’ve had––there were some epic ones when they were still in college––but it is one of the worst.

Jensen wants to wait until they get placement before setting up the nursery, and Jared would prefer to do it ahead of time instead of rushing to get it done with a new baby in the house. Jared can see Jensen’s point of view, but he won’t budge on his position.

It starts as a somewhat calm discussion and ends with shouting, slammed doors, and Jared angrily grabbing his keys and leaving the house. He accuses Jensen of having no faith in him or his ability as a father. Jensen calls him an impatient, selfish asshole. It only devolves from there. They don’t really mean any of it, of course, and five minutes after Jared flops onto Jeff’s couch in a huff, he doesn’t remember what exactly he’s so mad about. He thinks about calling Jensen or texting him with a simple _I’m sorry_ , but he left without his phone and he’s suddenly too tired to move, let alone think up a proper apology.

Jeff and Livvie take pity on him and let him stay for a couple hours. He plays with Anne and Reece, building tall towers out of blocks and books that they knock down with delight, dodging the falling debris and giggling. Jared aches watching them. He wants this in his own life so badly.

“Do you want to tell me why you’re hiding from a man that’s not really your husband?” Jeff asks when Jared walks into the kitchen in search of something to drink.

Jared shrugs, face heating up, and grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge. Jeff’s house is the kind of messy you get from having two kids under 10, with toys and crayons and schoolbooks spread haphazardly everywhere. It’s stupid, but Jared’s jealous of the chaos.

“We had a fight.”

“So I gathered.” Jeff leans back against the counter by the sink and crosses his arms and ankles. “You want to talk about it?”

Jared sighs and shakes his head. “No. We both said some shitty things, but he wasn’t entirely wrong.”

“A little advice? Apologize anyway, even if it wasn’t your fault. Bringing him something special is a good idea, too. I always get Livvie donuts after we fight.”

“You said it yourself, Jeff. He’s not really my husband.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jeff insists. “He’s still someone you care about. Don’t let it fester. It’ll only make it worse.”

“You kicking me out then?”

“Of course not. You’re keeping Anne and Reece occupied and giving Livvie and me a break. Stay as long as you want.”

Snorting, Jared smacks Jeff in the shoulder before going back out into the living room to find the kids and come up with a new game to play.

Eventually he needs to go home and face the mess he ran out on. The house is quiet and mostly dark when he comes in from the garage. He hangs his keys on the hook by the door, then tracks Jensen down in the spare room he planned to use for the nursery. Jensen had cleared it of all the boxes, extra furniture, and junk they store in here and is currently up on a stepladder, putting blue painter’s tape around the window. Jared stands in the doorway for a moment watching him, feeling like something’s squeezing his heart.

Quietly, he walks over and helps Jensen affix the piece of tape to the window frame. Jensen glances at him but doesn’t say anything. After they finish with the window, Jensen turns to face Jared and sits on the top of the stepladder, hands clasped loosely between his knees.

“I’m sorry,” Jared tells him.

“Me too,” he replies. “What I said, I didn’t mean it. You’re one of the least selfish people I know, Jared.”

“But I _am_ impatient,” he admits with a shrug.

“Sometimes.” Jensen smiles wryly, finally lifting his head to look Jared in the eye.

“Are we good?” Jared asks lightly, hiding how worried he’d been about this for the past few hours.

“Yeah.” He reaches out to squeeze Jared’s arm and just that quickly, all the tension caused by their fight drains out of Jared’s body. “I have something for you,” Jensen says, hopping off the stepladder and crossing the room to a plastic bag from Home Depot sitting on the floor.

Curiosity piqued, Jared follows him. “What is it?”

“I know you want to go with a neutral color for the baby’s room, so I picked up paint samples for every variation of cream, yellow, and green they have.”

Jared gapes at the two or three-inch stack of samples Jensen hands him. He has no idea how they can narrow down a choice with all these to look through.

“Thanks, Jen. This is great. How did you get all this done so fast?” He glances around the empty room and wonders where all the junk went.   

“I bribed Jake and Cohen to come over and help. They took that old couch, by the way.”

“With the questionable stains on the cushions?”

Jensen grins. “Jake said they’ll have it recovered.” He looks down at his feet, then back up at Jared, face serious once more. “I do support you, but––”

“I know you do,” Jared says quickly.

“But I worry that you’re, I don’t know, getting ahead of yourself or that you’ll be so disappointed if it still takes years for you to get a baby. You’re gonna be a great father someday, Jared, and I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Thank you. But I’ll be fine. Thank you for worrying about me,” he says, even though it sounds strange.

“That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Right. So is there a particular color you think would look good in here?”

“Yeah, actually.” Jensen takes the stack back from him and flips through it to pull out one of the samples. “This one would go well with the woodwork, I think.”

They finish taping around the windows, baseboards, ceiling, and doorway that night and the next weekend go to Home Depot for the paint. They choose a mint green shade, the one Jensen suggested, and spend all day Saturday painting the walls.

The room remains empty for several weeks, until Megan helps him pick out a matching crib and changing table set. After that, things start slowly trickling in. His mom gives him the old dresser he and Jeff both used as babies. It’s been refinished since then and looks almost brand new. Donna and Mackenzie find a cute mobile with bunnies and teddy bears, which somehow becomes the nursery’s theme. He buys sheets and bumper pads with bunnies on them and bunny and bear decals the put on the walls. The last thing in is an overstuffed rocker, perfect for feeding the baby in the middle of the night or rocking them to sleep.

When Jensen drags him into the nursery one day after work and shows him the stuffed floppy-eared bunny he got for the baby, Jared feels like the room is finally complete.

 

&&&

 

The house is full of people. Coworkers. Family. Friends. There isn’t a spot Jared can go to get away from them and while he usually wouldn’t mind, today he feels overwhelmed and irritated. Though, truthfully, that isn’t far off the mark for him lately. As the months tick by with no word from the adoption agency, Jared finds himself slipping into depression and growing increasingly grumpier and more snappish. It’s amazing that anyone is still talking to him, let alone agreed to come to a party here.

It must be the food. The best thing about having caterers as friends is that they happily make whatever you need for a party.

Jared leaves Jensen in the living room to handle their guests while he checks on Jake and Cohen in the kitchen. Jake is a perfectionist when it comes to the presentation of their dishes, even for something informal like this March Madness watch-party. Cohen humors Jake, but Jared is close to bursting with impatience.

Jesus, his equilibrium is so fucked lately. He can’t seem to keep his emotions in check anymore.

He’s about to say something he’d probably regret when he feels Jensen’s hand on the small of his back. Jensen rubs his back gently, and Jared relaxes, leaning back into Jensen’s warmth. Even Jensen hasn’t escaped Jared’s crappy attitude but unlike everybody else, Jensen can diffuse his mood and make him feel close to normal.

“Hey,” Jensen says. “The game’s about to start. Stop fucking with the food and bring it out. No one but you cares if the wings are lined up perfectly on the plate, Jake.”

Jake huffs and mutters, “Ass.” He quits arranging the plate, though.

The four of them grab plates and bowls and carry everything out into the living room. Within minutes, Jake’s careful presentation is demolished.

Jared squeezes onto the couch between Jensen and Josh, practically sitting in Jensen’s lap since too many people piled onto the couch. They knock elbows as they eat, and Jensen nearly takes out Jared’s eye with a beer bottle when his team scores a three-pointer. Jared just rolls his eyes. This is the best he’s felt for awhile. He doesn’t care about the teams playing, but Jensen bet money in a pool at work. Jared enjoys watching Jensen’s enthusiasm.

“I need more beer,” Jared says during a commercial break. “Do you want one?” Jensen nods, flashing Jared a smile that makes Jared’s gut twist for some reason. Must be all the junk food he ate.

When he gets back to the living room, Jensen’s coworker Jane has slipped into his spot next to Jensen. They’re talking about how to help a student of Jane’s that struggles with reading, and Jared isn’t feeling like enough of an asshole that he’ll force her to move. He pouts, extra hard so Jensen knows he’s kidding, then sits on the floor between Jensen’s legs, resting his head on Jensen’s knee. Jensen takes the beer Jared holds up for him and runs his fingers through Jared’s hair. He squeezes the back of Jared’s neck, leaving his hand there for a long moment, never breaking conversation with Jane.

Jared stays like that for the rest of the game, sitting against Jensen’s leg, with Jensen occasionally playing with his hair. Part of him wonders when they got so comfortable with touching each other, but mostly he lets Jensen’s fingers wash away some of his disappointment and anger at not having a baby yet.

 

&&&

 

Jared’s putting the last dish on the table when he hears Jensen come in the garage door. He stands awkwardly by the table, hands in his pockets, and waits.

“So a room full of six and seven year olds and a ferret in heat is not a good––” Jensen trails off as he reaches the kitchen and stops up short, eyes darting between Jared and the table. “Hello. What’s all this then?”

“It’s an apology dinner.”

“You realize we’re not a real married couple, right?” He arches an eyebrow at Jared and sets his bag on the floor before shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it over one of the barstools.

Flushing, Jared shifts on his feet. “No, I know. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know I’ve been grumpy and snappish lately.”

“You’re tired of waiting for a call from Tim and frustrated. I get it.”

“But I shouldn’t take it out on you. So this is me apologizing and promising to be better from here. I made your favorite food.”

That eyebrow goes up again, followed by a smirk. “You got Cohen to do it, didn’t you?”

“He volunteered! After laughing at me when I said I wanted to do it myself.”

“And Jake did the presentation parts, I’m guessing?” he asks, fingering one of the fancy folded napkins.

“Maybe. Is it helping you to forgive me?”

“We’ll see how it tastes,” Jensen tells him, then grins and walks around the table to kiss Jared on the cheek. “There’s nothing to forgive, but thank you for this. I appreciate it after the day I had.”

“Welcome. You mentioned something about a ferret?”

“Not just any ferret.” Dropping heavily into his chair, Jensen picks up his spoon and moves the bowl of soup closer. “A ferret in heat.”

“Do ferrets even go into heat?” Jared sits down as well and gestures with his own spoon for Jensen to start eating.

“I don’t know for sure, but something was up with it, and the kids were too curious and wouldn’t leave it alone. Poor thing had five or six of them gawking at it pretty much all day.” He pauses, spoonful of lobster bisque halfway to his mouth. “You can tell Cohen he did an adequate job this time.”

Jared laughs. “Wait till dessert. You might change your mind.”

“Chocolate pie?”

“I’m not telling. So what are you gonna do with the poor ferret?”

“Jane said she’d take it. I think I’m going to go back to goldfish for now.”

“Wise choice.”

They eat in silence for awhile, finishing the soup and moving on to the lasagna. Cohen was right when he said it was a strange combination, but they’re Jensen’s favorites, and Jared had insisted.

“Did you take the day off to set all this up?” Jensen asks, sitting back with his hands linked over his belly.

“Nah, just came home after lunch. Cohen and Jake already had the place a complete mess. I cleaned up, if that helps at all.”

“I don’t care if you didn’t do any of it, Jared. You thought of it, and that’s enough. But you really didn’t need to do all this.”

“I haven’t been easy to live with for the past couple weeks. It’s not fair to you, after everything you’ve done for me already.”

“You can be grumpy all you want if it gets me food like this instead of takeout all the time.”

“Hey! We had frozen pizza the other day. That’s not takeout!” he protests.

Jensen snorts, then turns pleading eyes on Jared. “Can I have my dessert now?”

“I suppose.”

He fetches the chocolate pie out of the fridge, and they take it into the living room to eat, curling up on opposite sides of the couch, some random sitcom on TV.

Jensen lets it go for a long while before finally nudging Jared’s hip with his foot and asking quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jared heaves a sigh and shifts to tuck his feet under him. “It’s not like I expected to get a baby the second we got married, but it’s been eight months.”

“And you’re starting to lose hope.”

“Yeah.”

He’s reminded of their discussion after the nursery incident, how Jensen was worried about him getting hurt by disappointment. He really thought he’d be okay back then, but now it’s getting to him, a little more every day, and he’s finding it more and more difficult to keep up the happy façade.

“Hey,” Jensen says gently, scooting across the couch to settle close to Jared, his body heat seeping into Jared through their clothes. “It’s gonna happen for us, Jay. Probably not tomorrow or even the week after, but it _will_ happen. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that.”

His voice breaks partway through, despite his best efforts to hold back the emotion. He feels stupid for letting it get to him, especially today, which was supposed to be about Jensen, not him.

“Sure, I can! Didn’t I ever tell you I’m psychic?”

Jensen grins, and Jared can’t help barking out a laugh, though it’s not precisely a cheerful sound.

“Right,” Jared says. “How could I forget that?”

“Seriously, Jay, you’re the most positive man I know. Why are you letting this tiny bump in the road affect you so much?”

He shrugs one shoulder, unable to put it into words. “Dunno.”

“Well, stop it,” Jensen demands playfully, swatting Jared lightly on the arm.

“Course, because it’s that easy.”

“It is. Besides, you still have me. That’s not such a bad thing, right?”

Jared looks at him, at his semi-serious face, his easy posture, and the obvious, unshakeable faith he’s always shown in Jared, even when he shouldn’t. He’s had Jensen as a roommate and best friend and partner in crime for over a decade, and it’s just hitting him now that in all these years, he’s never once pictured his future without Jensen. He doesn’t ever want to. A life with Jensen, with or without a baby, seems like a pretty sweet deal to Jared.

“Oh, shit,” Jared squeaks, eyes widening.

“What? What’s wrong?”

_I think I’m in love with you._

“Jay?”

He puts a hand on Jared’s calf, the contact burning through the denim of his jeans and warming his skin. He doesn’t know if he wants to back away or lean into Jensen’s space.

“I forgot. I, uh, have something to take care of for work. Since I left early and all.” He scrambles off the couch, ignoring the voice in his head yelling at him to dive in and kiss Jensen. “Don’t worry about the stuff in the kitchen. I’ll get it later.”

“Jared, are you all right?” He has a worried crease between his eyes that Jared absolutely doesn’t think about smoothing out with his thumb.

“Yep. I’m good. I just have to work on something I promised I’d get to if they let me come home early.”

“All right.”

Jensen isn’t buying his excuse in the least, but he doesn’t ask any more questions as Jared flees to their bedroom. He lets himself have 10 minutes to panic and freak out, hands shaking and close to hyperventilating. After that, he straightens his shoulders and forces himself to calm down with an iron will mustered up from somewhere deep inside.

So what if he’s in love with Jensen and his whole world is tilted sideways? He can deal with it.

 

&&&

 

Yeah, Jared is definitely in love with Jensen. No big deal. Except it _is_ a big deal. Jensen is his best friend and not only that but his fake husband as well. Complicated doesn’t begin to cover it. For the first time, Jared is awkward around Jensen. That didn’t even happen when they first met. But now he overanalyzes every word before he says it. He worries that he’s touching Jensen too much or not enough, afraid that every hug or kiss on the cheek is a neon sign pointing out his feelings, but he could sooner teleport than stop touching Jensen.

He gets close to blurting out the truth sometimes, when Jensen smiles at him, soft and sleepy, in the mornings over his coffee mug or when Jensen talks about the future and “our baby.” He holds back, though, not willing to ruin their friendship or lose Jensen. He _can’t_ lose Jensen. He’s the most important part of Jared’s life.

The nights are the worst, sleeping next to Jensen and unable to act on his feelings. He watches Jensen sometimes, taking in the delicate lines of his face, his long eyelashes, the freckles scattered over his nose and cheeks. It’s creepy––he knows that––but it’s his only opportunity to stare at Jensen with impunity, and he can’t help himself.

Despite all this, these months are good, some of the happiest of Jared’s life. He loves being married to Jensen. While he yearns to be with Jensen for real, he loves what he has.

 

&&&

 

Jared stares as Jensen lifts himself out of the pool. He looks ridiculous with his hair slicked back from the water, but Jared focuses on his bare chest, on his muscular legs and the dip at the base of his spine. At the way his orange trunks cling indecently to his ass and crotch and at the line of hair that disappears into the too-low waistband of those trunks.

Jared’s fingers curl and tighten around the seat of his deck chair. He wants so badly to touch, to haul Jensen into the closest private spot and taste all that wet, glistening skin. But Jensen’s voice echoes in his head from earlier today–– _this is why you’re my best friend, Jay_ ––reminding him that Jensen’s feelings don’t align with his own. If only he––

“Jesus Christ!” Jared shouts, nearly knocking his chair over in order to get away from Jake and the cold bottle of beer he’d pressed to Jared’s neck.

Laughing, Jake grabs the arm of the chair before it can tip over and helps him get the chair back on all four feet. He drops into the chair next to Jared and hands him the beer.

“Thanks,” Jared says, glaring at Jake before seeking out Jensen again. He’s sitting on the side of the pool, legs in the water, talking to Jake and Cohen’s neighbor. His nose and cheeks are slightly pink because he never remembers to reapply sunscreen unless Jared hands him the damn bottle.

“ _Dude_ ,” Jake says, kicking Jared’s ankle. “I’m glad you guys are still in the completely smitten honeymoon phase, but I’m trying to talk to you. Eyes off your husband for five minutes.”

Jared snorts to cover the ache in his heart that Jake’s words caused. “Pot, kettle. You and Cohen have been in the honeymoon phase since you met.”

“Yeah.” Jake grins, turning toward the grill where Cohen is waving the tongs around, getting into whatever story he’s telling.

Rolling his eyes, Jared sips his beer. “What did you want to talk about?”

Jake’s grin fades, turning serious. “Are you doing all right?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Is anything wrong?”

“No,” he draws the word out, glancing at Jensen.

Jake arches an eyebrow at him. “Jared, come on. You’ve been off for awhile now. What’s up?”

Blowing out a breath, Jared ducks his head, rolling the beer bottle between his hands. He would like to unload everything he’s been feeling to someone, but this isn’t the place for that and besides, Jake doesn’t know the truth about his relationship with Jensen. He’s not about to get into that now and probably not ever.

“It’s just…we haven’t heard anything from the adoption agency for months. I’m frustrated, and there’s nothing I can do about it,” he finally says, because it’s easier than _I’m in love with my best friend and wish our sham marriage could be real_. It’s also the truth. He is frustrated. Other than a visit from Alona more than a month ago, it’s been a long time since they’ve heard anything. The whole falling in love with Jensen thing distracted him for a bit, but now he worries that they’ll never be able to adopt and they went through all this for nothing. Plus, their year is almost up. He doesn’t want this to end.

“Shit, Jared, I’m sorry. I know how much you want a kid.”

He shrugs uncomfortably and finishes his beer. “Yeah.”

“It could still happen. Don’t give up.”

“Jen keeps telling me the same thing.”

“I keep telling you what about what?” Jensen asks, plopping onto Jared’s lap. He almost upsets the chair again, but Jared’s able to regain their balance quickly.

“Talking about how awesome I am, of course,” Jared says.

“Nope. That can’t possibly be it. I’d never tell such lies.”

“Oh, really?” He digs a finger into Jensen’s side, right where he knows Jensen’s the most ticklish, and grins in triumph when Jensen yelps and tries to squirm away. Except it feels too good to have Jensen on his lap like this, and he doesn’t want Jensen to figure that out.

Standing with Jensen cradled in his arms, he takes the few steps necessary to reach the pool and jumps in. Jensen breaks the surface sputtering and swearing, then makes the most amusing squeak when Jared dunks him back under. Jensen uses Jared like a ladder to climb up and pushes Jared down at the same time. Swallowing water, Jared coughs and attempts to swim to the side of the pool. He doesn’t get far. Jensen wraps his legs around Jared, and Jared has just enough time to hold his breath before Jensen shoves him under water again.

They wrestle back and forth for awhile. Jared distantly hears Cohen announce the food’s ready and Jake yell, “Stop humping in my pool!” but he’s intent on gaining the advantage. Eventually, panting and heart pounding, he pins Jensen’s arms to his sides and backs him to the wall of the pool. Jared looks up and catches Cohen’s eye. He knows what Cohen expects. It’s for this––and reasons he won’t admit––that Jared bends his head and kisses Jensen. Jensen immediately kisses him back. The shock of it nearly causes Jared to pull away, but Jensen’s gripping the back of his neck now, and it feels too good to stop.

“Seriously, stop humping in our pool!” Jake tells them.

Jensen lifts his head, and Jared stops himself from chasing Jensen’s mouth with an effort.

“Fuck off, Jake,” Jensen replies. “You guys have actually had sex in our house. When we were in the next room.”

Jared winces. That’d been a traumatic experience.

“That’s right,” Cohen says. “We have.”

Jake and Cohen high five. Jared doesn’t need to see them to know that’s what happened. He knows how those assholes are.

Groaning, Jensen butts his head against Jared’s shoulder. “I hate our friends.”

“Me too.”

He nudges Jensen back up and when Jensen doesn’t object, presses his mouth to Jensen’s once more. It’s for the benefit of their friends, to sell this fake marriage, he knows that, but he gets lost in Jensen’s kiss anyway, sucking on his bottom lip and reveling in the way Jensen responds to him so easily.

 

&&&

 

Three hundred sixty-two days after they get married, Tim calls Jared at work to tell him the agency has a baby for them.

“Seriously?” Jared asks, his voice breaking on the last syllable.

“Seriously,” he confirms, clearly amused, but Jared’s too busy remembering how to breathe to pay much attention.

“Oh, god.” He wipes his sweaty palm on his thigh and sucks in a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. “Okay. Tell me everything.”

“It’s a little boy, born just a couple hours ago.”

“Oh, wow. That’s fast. What about the parents?”

“The mother has no idea who the father is, and she’s already had three children taken away before this because of alcohol and drug problems. There was never a possibility of her keeping this baby.”

Jared’s stomach drops. One of the saddest things they learned about in their parenting classes was the complications that can occur if the mother smokes, drinks, or does drugs while pregnant. He’ll love this baby no matter what, but he’d like to know exactly what to expect.

“Is he okay, health-wise?”

“Low birth weight at 4 pounds 15 ounces, but he’s perfectly healthy other than that. He didn’t have to go to the NICU at all, has 10 fingers and 10 toes. He’s good, Jared, I promise.”

“And he’s really ours?”

“Yes! Now hang up the phone and get to the hospital to meet your son. I’ll join you there shortly.”

Jared immediately drops the phone back into its cradle and fires off a quick email to let them know he’s leaving early and probably won’t be in for awhile. Grabbing his jacket and shoving his laptop into his bag, he’s out the door less than 10 minutes later. He has to stop and calm himself down once he reaches the car, a little overwhelmed and a lot nervous. He was starting to think this would never happen, even if it really hasn’t been that long. He scrubs his hands over his wet cheeks, then finally starts the car.

The drive to Jensen’s school seems to last forever, the traffic worse than normal for late morning on a Thursday. Jared drums his fingers on the steering wheel and tries not to freak out. The nursery is ready, but there’s still so much to do and buy before bringing the baby home. He suddenly doesn’t feel even remotely ready for this.

He’s only been to Jensen’s school a handful of times, and it takes him a few minutes to find the principal’s office.

“Hi. Can you pull Jensen Ackles from his classroom, please?” he asks the secretary, Anna, as soon as he’s through the door.

“Can I ask why? And who you are?”

“I’m his husband. It’s a family emergency.”

Her eyes widen in recognition. “Oh! You’re Jared then? Jensen talks about you all the time.”

That makes something warm expand in his chest.

Anna stands, smoothing down her skirt. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes.” Jared nods, probably smiling dopily. “It’s still a bit of an emergency, though, so––”

“Oh! Right. I’ll go get Jensen. You can have a seat. It’ll only be a minute.”

As she hurries out of the room, Jared sinks into one of the hard plastic chairs against the wall. They’d tried to pretty the room up with a large wooden coffee table and fake plants, but he can’t imagine that helps calm down the students waiting for the principal to mete out their punishment.

Jared’s alone in the front office right now, which does nothing to stop his whirling thoughts, starting with lists of things they need to buy––diapers and bottles and formula and a car seat only the beginning. He’d have to call work and arrange his paternity leave. He could probably do some projects from home, he supposes, after they get the baby home and settled into a routine anyway.

“Jared?” Jensen rushes into the room, out of breath and looking frazzled. “What’s going on? What happened? Who’s hurt?”

“Nobody’s hurt. Everything’s okay,” he assures Jensen, meeting him in the middle of the room. He wraps his hands around Jensen’s biceps and squeezes gently. “We have a new baby boy to go meet,” he says softly.

Head snapping back, Jensen sucks in a breath. “If you’re screwing with me…”

“I’m not, I swear.”

“Oh, my god,” he breathes. He sways a bit, then fumbles for a seat and collapses on the coffee table. “Oh, my god, Jay. We have a baby? Seriously?”

Jared kneels in front of him, covering Jensen’s shaking hands with his own. “Yes. A healthy baby boy, and he’s waiting for us to meet him.”

Jensen grins then, bright and full, the tears in his eyes making them shine. “Let’s go.”

Nodding, Jared stands, pulling Jensen up with him and into a tight hug. Jensen clutches back, tucking his face into the spot on Jared’s shoulder. He shudders once before stepping back and grabbing Jared’s hand.

“Anna, can you send someone to my classroom for the rest of the day and tell Jane I’ll call her later?” Jensen asks on their way out.

“Of course,” Anna replies brightly. She’d discreetly retreated to her desk after bringing Jensen but had clearly heard everything, if her beaming smile is anything to go by. “Congratulations!” she adds, and they thank her together.

After some deliberation, they decide to take Jared’s car and then come back for Jensen’s later. The traffic has thinned out some, thankfully, but Jared’s nerves are still jumping and jittery. Jensen, too, considering how tightly he’s gripping the sides of the seat and biting his lip.

Tim meets them in labor and delivery as promised. He smiles and shakes their hands, though Jared has to stop himself from hugging the man.

“Let me check with the nurses that this is a good time,” Tim says, clapping Jensen on the back. He returns a few moments later. “You guys ready to see him?”

Jared exchanges a look with Jensen, overwhelmed and excited and almost vibrating right out of his skin.

He nods, then takes Jensen’s hand as they walk into the nursery. There aren’t many newborns right now, fewer than a dozen, and most are sleeping. One round-cheeked little girl is sucking on her fist and staring seriously at the ceiling. Tim leads them to an area in the back with a couple padded gliders and one bassinette. A nurse holds a blue blanket-wrapped bundle, swaying side-to-side. Jensen nudges him forward, and Jared stumbles a bit before stopping in front of the nurse.

“Do you want to hold your son?” she asks. He’s too choked up to form words, so he simply nods. “Here you go, daddy.”

She expertly transfers the baby into Jared’s arms, and he’s finally able to get a good look at their son. He’s tiny, much smaller than he expected, even when Tim mentioned he only weighed just over five pounds. His head fits in the palm of Jared’s hand, and he’s barely the length of his forearm. He feels too large all of a sudden, hyper-aware of how fragile and vulnerable this little boy is. If Jared has anything to do with it, nobody will ever hurt their son.

Jared runs a finger along the baby’s soft cheek and kisses his forehead, just below the edge of the knitted cap keeping him warm. He senses Jensen behind him then, a solid, comforting presence against his back, and glances over his shoulder at Jensen’s radiant, beautiful face.

“He’s perfect,” Jensen murmurs, reaching out to cup the baby’s cheek.

“Yeah,” Jared agrees softly. “Do you want to hold him?” He feels Jensen hesitate, then shake his head.

“I’ll have plenty of time for that. You keep him for now.”

He turns to kiss Jensen lightly on the mouth. “Thank you,” he tells him, positive Jensen knows all the reasons why.

“All right, you two,” Tim says, and Jared startles a little, having forgotten anyone else was around. “Time for me to head out. You can stay till the end of visiting hours this evening. Mel here will take good care of all of you.”

Mel smiles with an amused “Of course I will.”

“I’ll need you to come by my office tomorrow to sign some paperwork but until then, enjoy your son and congratulations.”

“Thank you so much,” Jensen says, shaking Tim’s hand.

“You’re welcome. See you later.”

Jared watches him go for a moment, then sinks into one of the gliders, shifting the baby to lie against his chest. Jensen drops into the one next to it, then drags it closer so he can still touch the baby, resting his hand on his tiny bottom. The baby stirs for the first time at that, making soft smacking noises and rubbing his cheek against Jared’s chest. Jared catches a glimpse of dark blue eyes before the baby settles again.

“What do you think of Noah for a name?” Jared asks.

“After your grandfather?”

Biting his lip, Jared ducks his head. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know. Let me see something first.”

“What?”

Jensen just smiles and carefully maneuvers the hat off the baby’s head, revealing soft dark blond hair. “I want a good look at him first,” he explains, then runs his fingers through the baby’s fine hair. “I think it suits him. Noah.”

Jared swallows hard but manages a smile when Jensen squeezes his arm. Naming the baby makes this real in a way that the call from Tim and holding him didn’t, and Jared struggles not to break down into a crying, snotty mess.

“We’re fathers, Jen,” he whispers past the huge lump in his throat. He can’t remember a time when he didn’t want to be a father and he’s here now and it’s real and no longer an abstract concept, not just a dream anymore and holy shit, he’s a _father_.

Cupping his face, Jensen wipes away Jared’s tears with his thumbs and kisses his cheek. “I know.”

He sounds just as choked up, which does nothing to slow Jared’s tears. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared and Noah as best he can and holds on tight.

They stay for hours, until they can’t anymore. They coax Mel into letting them stay past visiting hours are over, but only 30 minutes or so.

Jared eventually passes the baby over to Jensen. Reluctantly. He never wants to let Noah go, but that’s unfair to Jensen. Seeing the amazed, tender look on Jensen’s face when he takes Noah is worth it, though. Jared’s heart constricts, throat closing off again.

“We should’ve brought tissues,” he says and two seconds later, Mel slides a box into his hands. He wipes his eyes and blows his nose, which should be embarrassing, but he’s beyond caring right now.

There are tears in Jensen’s eyes as well, so Jared uses another tissue to clear them away for him since his hands are full, one curled under Noah’s bottom and one rubbing circles over his tiny back. Watching Jensen with Noah, with _their son_ , he can pretend, for a little while, that he finally has the perfect husband and family he dreamt about.

 

&&&

 

Noah is perfect. All right, he doesn’t sleep for more than an hour or two at a time and often has bouts of crying where nothing soothes him except pacing back and forth, Jared has never felt this exhausted, and he and Jensen converse in tired grunts most of the time, but Jared wouldn’t change a thing. Being a father is amazing.

Sherry stays with them for the first few days, but after that they’re on their own. For a minute when she leaves, Jared panics. Dreaming about it and having a baby in reality are two different things, and Jared is terrified he’s going to do something to screw up. But then he turns and sees Jensen stretched out on the couch with Noah asleep on his chest, and everything melts away, except a fierce love for both of them.

It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

 

&&&

 

Jared wakes up with Jensen’s hand in his face, one finger dangerously close to going up his nose. Grasping Jensen’s wrist, Jared removes his hand and rolls over to check the clock. 4:02 a.m. Great. Noah only slept for a little over two hours this time, and he sounds angry about getting ignored. Jared rubs a palm over his face, torn between wanting to go to Noah and wanting to slip back to sleep.

“I’ll go.”

Jared starts, unaware that Jensen had awoken. “Nah, it’s okay. I’ll get him. You have school in a couple hours.”

Propping up on an elbow, Jensen squints at him in the mostly dark room. “And you’ve been taking care of Noah for the past four nights, not to mention every day. Let me have a turn.”

“Go back to sleep, Jen. No arguing.”

Huffing, Jensen drops back onto the bed. He’s asleep before Jared leaves the room.

Noah is crying angrily by the time Jared gets across the hall to the nursery. It’s his _I’m hungry, how dare you leave me waiting like this_ cry. Jared’s pretty sure he isn’t supposed to find Noah’s scrunched up face and indignant crying so amusing, but he can’t help it. It’s adorable. Still, he scoops Noah up and hurries into the kitchen to prepare a bottle.

He settles on the couch, feet up on the coffee table and Noah cradled in the crook of his arm. There’s something eerie about being up at this time of night, with everything unnaturally silent. He feels sleep pull at him and fights to keep his eyes open. He can take a nap later, but Jensen won’t have that opportunity, which is why Jared tries to do these nighttime feedings, even if he’d rather be back in bed. Jensen needs the energy to deal with his students.

Jared startles out of his doze when Jensen, looking bleary-eyed and sleep-rumpled, lifts Noah out if his arms. Jared blinks, trying to get his brain back online.

“Wha?” Jared sits up, yawning. “What time is it?”

Jensen shrugs. He rocks Noah gently, that automatic sway people get when holding a baby. He looks good holding their son.

“Early still. You didn’t come back to bed. Thought I’d come check on you. Found you snoring on the couch.”

Jensen grins, and Jared presses his foot against Jensen’s bare ankle. “Jerk.” He stands up, rolling a kink out of his shoulders.

“Go back to bed,” Jensen says. “I’ll put Noah in his crib.”

“What about you?”

“Might as well stay up. Wouldn’t get much sleep before my alarm went off.”

“Sure?”

“Go on. You’ve been hogging this little guy anyway.”

He had, because he goes back to work soon and won’t be able to see Noah all day. He already expects to go through withdrawal. He’s grateful he can go to the daycare in his building during lunch to visit.

“Okay.” He kisses Noah’s forehead, then Jensen’s, which earns him his favorite pissy expression, and heads to the bedroom. He doesn’t sleep, though he dozes a bit, listening over the monitor to Jensen talk and sing to Noah.

 

&&&

 

“I’m moving out.”

Jared looks up from where he’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, getting Noah into a clean onesie after his bath. Or attempting to anyway. Noah flails and wiggles so much that Jared has only managed to frustrate himself so far. Distracted by the baby, it takes a beat for him to register what Jensen said.

“You’re what?” Jared asks, panicky and high-pitched.

“I’m moving out.” Leaning against the doorframe, Jensen crosses his arms and avoids Jared’s eye.

“Why. I thought––”

“Because you don’t need me anymore. We did this so you could adopt, and now there’s Noah. There’s no reason for me to stay.”

Jared’s breath hitches, and he grunts as Noah’s foot connects sharply with his shin. He can’t find the right words. He wants to shout _don’t leave me!_ and _don’t leave us!_ and _of course there’s a reason for you to stay!_ But what he says is “I don’t understand why.”

“It’s just time I find my own place. You don’t need me anymore,” he says again.

“Of course I do. We both do. What about Noah?”

“I’m not––” Jensen glances at Jared before dropping his gaze to Noah, who is sucking on his fist and drumming on Jared’s shin with both tiny feet. His jaw tightens. “I’ll be around. I’ll still take care of Noah in the afternoons. I just won’t live here.”

“He’s your _son_.”

Gazing at Noah, Jensen’s face softens. “And he always will be. This is something I need to do.”

“But––”

“I’m looking for something around here. I’ll let you know when I find a place.”

He walks out before Jared can protest and _Jesus Christ_. Jared feels like someone is squeezing his heart. Jensen isn’t supposed to leave. What will Jared do without Jensen here all the time? They haven’t been apart for more than a few weeks since they met. He doesn’t remember what it’s like _not_ to be attached at Jensen’s hip.

Perhaps sensing Jared’s mood, Noah scrunches up his face and starts crying, hard. Jared scoops him up, tucking him under his chin, and soothes him, which proves difficult when he has to wipe away his own tears.

No amount of talking, begging, or arguing with Jensen does any good. He seems determined to move out. Jared can’t understand it; none of Jensen’s explanations help. It doesn’t make sense.

Every packed box feels like a punch to Jared’s stomach, and the day Jensen tells him, “I found a condo nearby. I’m moving out in three weeks,” Jared spends the evening on Jeff’s couch, trying to remember how to breathe.

 

&&&

 

There’s less than a week left before Jensen moves out. That’s the first thing Jared thinks when he wakes up. He’s counting down the days now, wishing he could stop time. He wants to go back to sleep and to the dream he was having about a happy, sundrenched family day on the beach, Noah older and working with Jensen on a sandcastle. But then reality intrudes in the form of Noah’s _I’m awake! Come get me now!_ wail. Jared smiles despite the Jensen-shaped ache in his heart and carefully slips out of bed so he doesn’t disturb Jensen, flipping the baby monitor off on his way out of the room.

Noah’s subsided into upset hiccups when Jared pushes open the nursery door. Jared picks him up, tucking the baby under his chin, and rubs his back until Noah calms down into quiet, gurgling noises. After a quick diaper change, he carries Noah into the kitchen to make a bottle.

The house is silent, and it’s still dark outside. This is one of his favorite times of the day, alone with Noah while the world is still asleep. He doesn’t mind getting up extra early, allowing Jensen to sleep late.

Today is bittersweet, though. As he settles on the couch with Noah and his bottle, he can see half-packed boxes, spaces on the shelves from Jensen’s missing DVDs and books, and he hates it, hates that he can’t change Jensen’s mind, hates that everything is falling apart. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. They were supposed to raise Noah together and be happy, even if their marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper and a couple rings.

By the time Jensen stumbles into the living room, eyes at half-mast and hair sticking up on one side, both Jared and Noah are dressed and ready for the day. Jensen accepts the coffee Jared hands him with a pleased noise and content smile, taking an extra deep breath of the steam before savoring his first mouthful.

“Feeling more human now?” Jared asks, grinning.

“Yep, thanks.” He gulps down half his coffee, then sets down the mug, gesturing for Jared to hand over the baby. Jensen has the day off for one of those random school holidays. Jared envies his chance to spend more time with Noah. “How’s our boy this morning?”

“A little cranky since he ate,” Jared replies, but Noah puts the lie to his words by blowing raspberries and grinning up at Jensen. “Traitor,” he says, crossing his arms and sulking.

“Nah, he just likes me better. Don’t you, little man? And the feeling is mutual.”

_Then why are you leaving us?_ Jared wants to shout.

Instead, he kisses the top of Noah’s head and then Jensen’s cheek. “I’ve gotta head to work,” he says, grabbing his jacket and bag by the front door.

“Have a good day, Jared. Tell Daddy goodbye, Noah.” Jensen waves Noah’s small fist for him, and Jared smiles.

He’s going to miss this so much when Jensen moves out.

He kind of floats through the day, doing work by rote, hardly paying attention to whatever’s going on around him. Usually, on days like this, he’d go upstairs on his lunch hour to visit and cuddle Noah. Since that option’s been taken away from him, he keeps working through his breaks.

Luckily, Robert takes pity on him and sends him home early.

Jared changes into jeans and a sweatshirt when he gets home, resolutely ignoring the packed boxes and suitcases lined up against one wall of their room. Maybe if he wishes it hard enough, everything will fly back into its proper place and these last several agonizing weeks will have never happened.

Jensen’s in the kitchen fixing Noah’s bottle when Jared finally decides to stop brooding and leave their room. Jared crouches in front of Noah’s bouncy chair Jensen placed on the floor next to the fridge. Noah blows bubbles at him and kicks his feet, sending the chair bouncing. Smiling, Jared feels some of the tension from his day at work fall away.

“Hey there, little man,” Jared says, unstrapping Noah and tucking him under his chin. “Did you have a busy day of eating and sleeping?”

Jensen snorts in amusement before coming over to hand Jared the bottle. “He did, plus pooping and crying for no reason for half an hour after lunch,” Jensen adds, kissing Noah on the top of his head.

“Ooh, I’m sorry I missed that,” he jokes. Really, though, he does miss spending the day with Noah, even when it’s frustrating and exhausting. He loves his job and would never give it up, but he still wishes he could have more time at home.

Noah chooses that moment to remind Jared that he hasn’t actually given him the bottle yet. He shrieks, the sound shrill and piercing. Jared grimaces and hastily shifts Noah into a better position before popping the bottle in his mouth. He shuts up immediately, curling one tiny hand over the bottle, as if to ensure Jared won’t take it away. Jared grins and nuzzles against Noah’s cheek for a moment.

“There’s a pizza in the oven. I’m gonna go pack some more while it cooks,” Jensen tells him, avoiding eye contact. This whole thing would be harder if Jensen didn’t show some uncertainly like in moments like this. It still effectively kills Jared’s good mood, tension creeping back in.

“Right,” he says shortly and leaves the kitchen before Jensen can see the hurt in his eyes.

Settling on the couch with Noah cradled gently in his arms, Jared closes his eyes and breathes out slowly. He can do this. He can get through Jensen moving out. He doesn’t have a choice anyway, even if his heart is breaking. He’ll still have Noah, and it’s not like he and Jensen will never see each other again. He can survive this.

Still, though, this is the first time in over a decade that he’ll have to live without Jensen, which would be nerve-racking enough without the added complication of Jared being in love with him. He’s not sure what to do without Jensen there all the time. How can he make it without his best friend beside him?

Jared takes the pizza out of the oven when the buzzer goes, but his shout to Jensen that it’s ready remains unanswered. He’s not concerned, assuming Jensen’s just caught up in packing. He sets the pizza on top of the stove to hopefully keep warm, then picks Noah back up out of his bouncy chair.

Noah’s about halfway through his bottle when Jensen comes into the living room and joins them on the couch. Jensen sits there silently for a long time, seemingly working up the nerve to say something since he keeps opening his mouth, then closing it again. Jared waits him out, knowing Jensen will speak when he’s ready.

“So here’s the thing,” Jensen says, sitting cross-legged on the couch facing Jared.

He glances up with a puzzled frown and shifts Noah slightly. He’s still so small, but even his minimal weight feels heavy after awhile. When Jensen doesn’t continue right away, simply picks at a fraying hem on his jeans, Jared nudges his thigh with his foot and has to force himself not to keep his foot there afterward.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Jensen finally says, quiet, almost too low for Jared to hear. He won’t meet Jared’s eyes, and it’s causing Jared’s heart to hammer nervously.

“Then why––”

Jensen holds up at hand. “Just let me say this, okay?” Jared nods, and Jensen struggles for a few moments until he can continue. “I don’t know how it happened or why, but I’m so in love with you, Jared. And with Noah.”

Jared’s breath hitches, overwhelming hope and joy flaring in his chest. It closes off his throat so he can only breathe Jensen’s name brokenly.

“I panicked before, thought the only way to get over you and get some perspective on it all was to move out. But I want to stay, make this––our family––real. I’m just praying that you, somehow, feel the same way and I didn’t just ruin our entire relationship.”

“Yes. God, of course I want you,” he blurts, then takes a steadying breath. “I love you, too, Jen.”

His head snaps up at that, mouth parted slightly, looking at Jared for the first time since he sat down. “If you’re screwing with me…”

Shaking his head, Jared smiles. “I swear to god, Jen, if you don’t get over here _right now_ and kiss me, I’m gonna––”

He doesn’t get the chance to finish his threat, because Jensen’s suddenly kneeling in front of him, hands cupping Jared’s face, lips soft and gentle against his. It’s almost a chaste kiss, and Jared props Noah’s bottle against his chest so he can wrap a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and draw him in more, as close as possible without disturbing Noah, deepening the kiss. He still doesn’t take it as far as he really wants to, but it’s perfect. Jensen’s mouth is firm and insistent on his, tongue licking across Jared’s bottom lip briefly and making him whimper.

He can’t wait to get Jensen alone.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Jensen murmurs, stroking Jared’s jaw.

“I was afraid at first. You’re my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose you. And then you seemed so determined to leave. It hurt and convinced me you couldn’t possibly feel the same way.”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says, brushing a light kiss to Jared’s mouth. “I’ve been fighting this for so long and just falling for you more every day. I started feeling like such a fraud, playing at happy families with you and Noah. I felt like I had to get away.”

“It’s okay.” He kisses Jensen’s forehead and his cheeks and his eyelids. “It’s okay. We’re together now. I love you. That’s what’s important, right?”

Jensen nods, his smile so soft and full of affection that Jared’s breath stalls. “I love you, Jared.”

Closing the scant inch separating them, Jared kisses him again, pressing as close as he can get. Jensen hums in the back of his throat and cards his fingers through Jared’s hair. Jared never wants this to end.

Jensen pulls away eventually to run a hand over the fuzz on Noah’s head before bending down to press a kiss to Noah’s cheek. He settles in against Jared’s side, one arm resting across Jared’s thighs and the other alongside Jared’s around Noah. On second thought, this is good as well. Jared’s content to snuggle with his family. There’s plenty of time for the rest later.  


End file.
